No matter who you are, or where you are on life's journey, you are welcome here at University Congregational United Church of Christ. Young, old, sure of your path, or still searching --- we invite you to join us in imagining love and justice - as Jesus did - in acting to change the world.
Our in-person worship service starts at 10 am and includes hymns, prayers, scripture reading and a sermon. It usually lasts about an hour and fifteen minute.. During the 10 am service we also offer live-streaming to a nearby room that offers those with compromised immune systems to be more isolated. We also offer a separate space for children, with supervised play and crafts during the 10 am service. Sections of the 10 am service are programed into the 5 pm digital service, which is offered as a "vespers."
We are an inter-generational church and strive to be family-friendly, with an active ministry for children and youth. All ages are welcome in worship. We also offer nursery and child-care, Younger children begin the 10 am service with us and usually leave after about 15 minutes. Older children have the option of leaving for a special sermon time. Junior high and high school youth meet at 9 am and then often sit together in worship. Give us a call at 206-524-2322 for more specifics or email 
Wheelchair Access: The front entry is wheelchair accessible as are the rest rooms. Please don't hesitate to ask for assistance.
I read a thought provoking story the other day. It’s about two ships in a harbor, one about to set out and the other just coming in. The crowd is cheering and celebrating the boat about to set out while the one who has finished the journey slips in unnoticed. A sage on the dock scolds the crowd and says, “Don’t celebrate the new ship just setting out. Turn around, notice and appreciate the ship that is done with its journey.”
Of course the story is really about birth and death but my Monkey Mind did not go there. Instead I started thinking about how wonderful it is when—like ship about to sail—we welcome new members. They are starting a new journey with our community. We publish a photo, a little bio telling where each person comes from, and why they decided to join our church.
Then we have a ceremony where each new member promises to “participate in the life and mission of this family of God’s people.” Then the church community promises to love and support these new members.
This is a very moving ritual and I always cry. (Although I’ve been known to cry at the Offering.)
Lately I’ve been thinking, “What if we had a ceremony for people who are leaving our congregation?” They are done with their journey with us. I don’t mean death or moving away but leaving by choice. To be clear: I mean staying in the area, leaving our church and either joining another one, or joining no church at all.
What if, like new members share why they joined, leaving members share with the whole community about why they are leaving and maybe where they are headed. What could we learn from them? Sure we can “speak the truth in love,” but can we hear the truth in love? Would we wish them well?
But then how many people would rather just leave quietly? Would people leaving want this recognition? Would they be comfortable with this degree of honesty?
I’ve witnessed estrangement and separation in many families. First came the conversation about the problem: their father’s drinking. “Dad, your drinking is affecting the whole family. You’re out of control. And when you drink you say horrible things around our kids.”
I encouraged them to get family counseling so everyone could talk about their feelings and seek resolution. This is precisely where everything fell apart: his father was not willing to change. “You and your sister are just ingrates. I’m not alcoholic! You just get upset when I have a beer now and then.”
He would not accept the criticism of his behavior, nor take responsibility for it. So of course, there was no hope of change. No change meant a resolution was not possible, so a gentle statement of separation was given by his kids. “We don’t want to raise our kids around an alcoholic. Unless you can see this and change, we must cut off contact with you.” They invited other family members over to a dinner (which seemed to me like an excellent ritual) and shared their decision. Everyone heard the story from them and no one could speculate on why they left. Sad, but healthy.
Anyway, back to leaving your church. I’ve read that people often leave a church because of either misunderstandings or misalignment. Misunderstandings can often be cleared up immediately. Misalignment means the church goals no longer align with a member’s goals.
I’d like offer another possibility: misinterpretation. This means people are committed to the goals of the church, but question the methods of getting there. Their opposition to the methods is misinterpreted as opposition to the goal itself.
If it looks like a change in methods is possible, then stay and work it out! But if it’s clear that no change is possible, then—like the child of the alcoholic—a loving goodbye is in order.
I searched the UCC Book of Worship to see if there was a ritual for members who are leaving and there is! “ Order for Times of Passage: Farewell.” But this ritual is for ministers leaving or members who are moving away permanently or joining the military–nothing for those who just leave. I guess no one wants to recognize that. There is moment in this ritual for ministers, where the members say, “We release you from your duties.” How about a ceremony where we said to departing members, “We thank you for being part of this community. We release you from your promises and wish you love and blessings as your life unfolds.”
That sounds loving, compassionate, understanding and well—Christian. I wonder how many of these ceremonies we’d have?
Photo by Ilse Orsel
Wouldn’t it be marvelous if we could welcome and receive such parting insight?
Wow! This is one of your best! You have raised some very important questions/issues and I thank you for this.
Thanks, Mary Ellen. The facts are that members are leaving.
The Truth is the answer to the question, “Why?”
Wow! This is one of your best! You have raised some very important questions/issues and I thank you for this.
Thanks Debra. Your comments are so very special to me.
Debra,
As a retired psychotherapist, I, too, have seen the power and the healing that can come with such a meeting within alcoholic or extremely dysfunctional families. Your thoughtful description of what could be gained from such a similar “dialogue” in a church ceremony is perhaps too provocative as keeping all congregational members as well as the ministers feeling safe and respected might be unwieldy. However, what you outline has, indeed, occurred on a personal level with church leadership and, indeed, had the feel of a “sacramental ritual” which was tremendously moving and healing for us.
Sherman and I recently came to the painful decision to step back from UCUCC. We wrote to several church leaders to share our reasons. We immediately received outreach from them, asking if our email could be shared with the ministers, to which we agreed. We received personal caring outreach from the leaders which, again, felt like the outpouring of God’s love.
It seems to me that what you are aiming for is a ritual –and rituals have had tremendous powers to heal for forever! Perhaps there could be a recognized ritual manner made known to the congregation if there is a decision to step away or to leave.
Church families, just like all families, are complicated and the more open, respectful communication that can occur makes way for God’s healing presence to be known. Thank you so much for your thoughtful courage in raising the possibility.
I like the idea of finding loving ways to celebrate departing members, regardless of why they’re leaving. It’s difficult when people leave without saying goodbye, difficult for both the members leaving, and the members left behind. It leaves an empty space. It would be nice if there were enough advance notice that people would have time and opportunity to share with them how much they appreciated that person. That’s something to cherish as you move forward.
How about an opportunity to write “why we stay”….folks could share at the entry table their feelings… sharing their name or not then make these comments available
Boy. Your piece and the follow-on comments raise lots of thought-provoking questions. In any case, I’d love to know why someone leaves, whatever the reason, from the picky to the profound. We’re all just people, with our own particular needs and dreams and crazies. But, in keeping with the boat metaphor, harbors have all kinds of boats in them. But they’re all there because of the harbor. Hmmm…I wonder if that suggests anything to ponder. How would UCUCC have a meaningful, trusting conversation about this?
I agree Bob. The harbor has changed and it doesn’t seem so scary or inclusive anymore.
Debra, Thank you for addressing a critical issue in our church, the depletion of membership, many who have been members for generations. A decision to leave is as painful as a decision to leave home, so your call for support and understanding could not be more timely.
Debra, thank you.
And I wonder why the pealing off of members who have created this community we so value – and they still value- is feeling this is no longer a home port meeting their spiritual needs. Aren’t we a United Church of Christ church with congregational power? Don’t we attend to serious issues when they arise? What vision of church future is being pursued? Who made that decision? I don’t recall a congregational vote.
Thanks, Kate. These are all insightful questions.
Thank you, Debra, for identifying the elephant in the room. I, too, would appreciate some way of celebrating departing members, specifically those who are staying local. As Carol I. said, such departures leave a hole. I do think we need to be careful in holding expectations that departing members share their reasons. I wouldn’t want such expectations to preclude a person/family from sharing some kind of recognition of their leave-taking. So – we want to be aware of members departure, but are we also looking at what underlies so many departures in these challenging times?
Hi Debra! (And all)
Just a reminder that all 3 pastors are at Seabeck this week and not able to readily engage in this discussion in ways that we otherwise might be able to do. Yes, there are also lots of conversations about changes happening and responses to them and some responses that are also a natural reflection of the grief we’re all feeling from 2+ years of pandemic and 3+ years of leadership changes.
There are also many times when folks leave and while leadership may know the reasons it’s not appropriate for us to share someone else’s story when they’ve chosen not to be present.
It’s complicated and right now any response to these comment threads is even more complicated because being on my phone at Seabeck neglects all those who are here ?
Please encourage folks to reach out to me directly. I always meet and connect with those that do and will continue this practice.
Debra, this is a very important piece that you have written here. While having a ritual when people leave, maybe the critical step is before that. In your example, the father wouldn’t participate in counseling, so no changes could come about and the only option was for family members to leave.
In our own congregation, how do we address the concerns that members have before they leave? How do we recognize the issues and make the necessary changes before family members and church members feel their only options are to leave?
Excellent question, Kathy. People are trying to awaken leadership to needed changes but so far, no responses have been given. We will see. Kirk and I are not very hopeful that true change will happen.
Exactly, Kathy. If leaders (pastors, council, or others who shape church policy or decisions) have misread the direction that the congregation wishes to move in, or has otherwise not met the needs of members, the healthy next step would be dialog and reconciliation. Can we hope for that in our community. In trying to live as a beloved community, there must be a way to lovingly welcome and tend to the needs of all.
May God help us and be with us!
In my case I left worshipping with you, as those who knew me from my 20 years at UCUCC understand, because of divorce. It was hard for me to leave, and still is. I like to watch your church worship videos, and I still wish I could go to Seabeck! I consider many friendships there to be some of my most cherished. One can love a place and its people, and still feel it is best to not be there, for one’s own emotional equanimity. So glad you are having this discussion!
And, I for one, miss you, dear Corrie.
It is a very important conversation. I think partly because of Covid and the development of live streaming in our church, membership is much more difficult to manage. Very few people let you know they are watching online so forming community is really impossible. Many people who are online have been long time members who have been deeply involved in the church and are now forgotten because they are not present in pers on. The changes in staff is definitely part of this equation. No one currently on staff knows their history of active participation.
Thank you for pointing this out, Arlene. That is so true.
O, Debra: Thank you! I needed this. I want this…clearer ways for people to come and go, to finish work on committees, task forces…church itself. Love, H
Thank you, Debra, and all of you, for starting this painful conversation. Like so many of you, I have felt very unheard for a very long time. I grew up in this church and I have never experienced such a fractured community.
Marci,
I echo you in that I too felt unheard. You can only try for so long to be heard before you have to accept what is and move on. It’s painful.